There are days you
never forget . Some are joyful, happy, fun days and
others are terrifying, horrible days. May 22, 1973 was
one of those terrifying days.
It started off as a
lovely day. Spring in Minnesota is a beautiful,
delicate time of year. It begins in lovely pastels and
flows into stronger hues. This day was so lovely in
its beginning. The children are off to school. I spend
some time reading my Bible and praying for the members
of my family. Then it's time for the housework. I've
been busy all day and in a hurry to finish so that I'm
free by the time the children come home from school.
Here they are at the
door eager to get in and tell all about the day's
events. Byron hits the back steps on the run with the
usual "Hi Mom!" Marie is not far behind. They have
some snacks, change clothes, and run out to play.
Our pastor's wife
and children, and a neighbor come by. I make tea for
the adults and the children go off to play. Byron
comes in, hugs me where I sit, tells me "I'm a good
Mom," and sneaks a cookie out of my saucer. Tells me
as he rushes out the door that, "Someday I'm going to
climb to the top of a tree". He's gone but I hear me
saying, "Don't climb the tree at the top of the hill".
He doesn't hear.
The talk among
adults begins again, pastor's wife leaves, and
neighbor stays. The door slams and the pastor's son
says "Byron fell out of the tree". I rush up the hill
to where he lays. One look and I know there is no hope
except in God. We begin artificial respiration but
there's no response. I hurry to call the rescue unit.
They are here in no time. The route to the hospital is
cleared; we're there in a matter of minutes. All the
way Marie and I pray begging God to help him, to heal
him.
Now he's in the
emergency room; they are trying so hard to help him.
We're in the waiting room praying; praying as we have
never prayed before. They've called Gene; I'm praying
for him. His children are the light and joy of his
life, and now only God can restore his son. Oh God,
please help him!
During this wait, I
hear myself thinking, "Where in God's Word can I find
help?" By a miracle He has given this child, how can
He let him die? How can I let him die? I hear my voice
asking God, "How can you say you love him and us if
you will not hear and heal?" And God said, "I love him
more than you do". I tell God I don't understand it. I
reason with Him that JESUS didn't have children here
so how can He understand? All He says is, "I love you,
Gene and Marie more than you do. I know the present,
past and future of all things". Not once did I feel He
did not love me or them but I truly could not
understand.
Gene is here now; a
moment I've desired and dreaded. He is told
everything; I tell him what God has said. We still
cannot say "Lord we trust you, have your way here".
As in a distance, I
hear myself tell the Devil to remove death from this
child; that in JESUS' name he cannot have him. And
Byron lives on in a coma.
As time passes,
God's love and assurance penetrates us; at least we
are able to say, "He is yours". At this moment God
removed his spirit. We never had been able to dedicate
our children to God. Somehow we were afraid of God. He
had not become a God of love and power to us but He is
becoming so now.
Now I am letting all
my fear out to God. I tell Him, "If this child dies, I
will kill myself, Gene and Marie because I know with
certainty that I cannot help it". Even knowing what
the Bible says about suicide and murder, I know I
cannot help myself.
Byron had never been
down the church isle nor had he joined the church.
When he was a baby, he was loving and a joy to behold.
All of his life he excelled in all things: school,
sports, etc. Instead of growing away from his family,
he seemed to grow closer.
In the year before
his death, he was happiest when we did things as a
family. At night he would study or pretend to until
Gene finished his work in the study and came down to
the den. He had a favorite chair. He would get up and
walk around the room and his dad would sit in Byron's
favorite chair Byron jumps in his dad's lap and sits
there during the news. He's 12 years old and we're
wondering when he will start to rebel.
I'm remembering how
Byron, Marie and Gene play together, and now one will
not be present anymore. The pain is so great that I
tell God, "If Byron does not make it into Heaven, I
don't want any part of your Heaven". I tell Him that
He must do something for me so I will know where Byron
is and that God himself really exists and has a
personal love for each of us because if He does not I
don't need Him or want Him.
For 2 years before
Byron's death, I had begun to feel there must be more
to being a Christian than I saw in myself or in any
other Christian I ever knew. If there was no more than
what I had and had seen in others, it was not enough.
One Sunday I issued
God an ultimatum; He had three Sundays to do something
to prove His existence. Now I couldn't see that He
performed at all that first week nor the second week.
At last the third week came and I was truly expecting
something to happen. I didn't know what but
something--nothing happened. I quit church that day
spiritually.
Friends had started
a Bible study group. They were going to skip around
and study different books of the Bible. I told them,
"No, I'd quit". Their shocked faces amazed and amused
me. They didn't seem to have anymore of God in their
lives than I did. I retorted that, "If I ever read
again in that Book, I'll start with Genesis, and go
all the way through the Book. If I found no more than
I had before, I'd burn the Book and think of it no
more".
Well, they started
in Genesis and found some very interesting things.
Like that group in the desert that was at least as big
a group as all the people in Houston (where we lived
at that time) plus all the surrounding area. Now
Houston had 2 million people there.
That set me off. I
had just been hearing how much water we used in
Houston
including food,
clothing, etc. I was in amazement at how God cared for
the people. I got my Bible and I read, "Did your
clothes get threadbare or your shoes wear out?" I then
am truly amazed because I do already know about the
manna and quail. Well, I didn't stop going to church
but I did begin to look at the Bible differently. I
learned a lot about the Bible and believed in God
more.
But here I am living
by Baptist standards and by then my child may be on
his way to Hell; only God knows and I must know. I
asked God for a sign or I told Him that I would die
and my family also.
The doctor comes in
now. One look at his face and I know his words will be
"death". As I try to get up, I realize my heart is
beating so hard I cannot see. As I stand up and grab
for his jacket to hold on to, something begins to
happen. I can see and besides there is a sweet, sweet
peace coming over my head. It's down to my shoulders
and now my heart instantly begins to beat properly.
The sweet peace continues until I am strengthened even
to my feet.
At the moment the
doctor says he is gone, that sweet peace begins to
flow down over me--assurance unshakeable that comes
from God. Byron is with Him, God exists, Hallelujah!
He loves us, will strengthen us, will be with us, and
preserve us. No one has ever been able to shake this
answer in my mind or spirit.
As we go in to tell
Byron good-bye, our hearts realize that he is already
with God--what can I say to his body? I love him so
much I cannot cry. I want to scream it cannot be so. I
want to grab him up and run away where no one can take
him from me but that sweet, sweet peace comes. I
cannot shake it--I want to--I don't want to. We are
told we must leave. It is like ripping us into shreds
but we know we must go.
There are things we
must take care of. As the problems appear, we pray
that God shows us what to do. Where do we bury Byron?
Our home then was in Minnesota but we didn't believe
we would stay there long. We could not bear to leave
him there. God gives me a vision of a place I had not
seen since I was about five years old; didn't know
where it is or even if it exists. Mother tells me it
is where my grandparents on my dad's side are buried.
It's a family plot in Tennessee. As questions come up,
God gives the answers.
As we are going
through the church services, I am numb. I can only
feel pain and that sweet, sweet peace. All the
children from his school come to the funeral. Gene has
asked the pastor to tell the children of God's love
and JESUS' provision for salvation. God anoints the
pastor and it is a truly inspired service. It is over;
I still am numb and in great pain but that sweet peace
refuses to leave.
We fly to Tennessee
to complete the service of burial; now it's over.
Still I cannot sleep; I pray and wait. I cannot see
how I can go on living. I'm always asking God just to
give me strength in body, soul and spirit for the next
job and after that the next.
I am very pained
because we had planned for Byron to have a jet ride;
now he is but he cannot see or enjoy it. The pain is
too great to cry--only moans come out. Marie reminds
me that his spirit has already flown higher than jets.
I don't want to go
home to Minneapolis but I know I must. I'm the type
that if I run from pain or unpleasantness, I will
continue running. This is why I have to guard against
anything which gives artificial help like drink,
drugs, people, etc.
We drive to Atlanta
to the airport. Atlanta has over one hundred tornadoes
that day--some big, some small. The plane sits on the
ground for hours. At take-off it labors and shakes
until we are beginning to wonder if it will make it.
I'm thinking that maybe God will answer my prayer and
help us to get to Heaven together: all three of us
right now. So I don't pray for the plane or even the
other people because my pain is too great.
Later on I ask God
to reveal to me when and how Byron was saved. He
flashed an incident across my memory. Byron had read
Proverbs 20:11 one day in Sunday school. The lesson
was not interesting so he read on in his Bible. On
arriving home (then I'm suffering from allergy) he was
glowing and he told me this verse. From then on his
life was changed.
I am sharing these
events in my life with you so that you may know of the
love of God for your personally. He has asked all
saved people to tell others of this great love which
welcomes all people regardless of condition to the
Savior who loved us so much that he died on the cross
to redeem us to Himself.
In a few nights I'm
praying and asking God if I might see Byron in a dream
or vision if it wasn't against His rules. As I was
sleeping this night I heard a loud sound like a knife
falling on concrete. I think I'm awake; even now I'm
not sure. I feel this presence at the head of my bed.
I cry out, "what are you?" Byron says, "It's me, Mom".
I immediately asked Him, "How is everything with you?"
He says, "It's fine, so very fine". Then I asked him
if JESUS is there. This had been an important question
on my mind and only JESUS could answer it. He said,
"JESUS was not there just then but was there most of
the time". I asked, "How was death?" He said "It was
so cold and terrible when the accident happened", but
hastened with much joy to add that "everything is
wonderful and fine now".
A few days later I
am so close to the brink of despair or insanity. I
asked God why He let this happen to us. I know a
family with several children they do not want. The
children are pitiful in every way. "God why didn't you
take one of them?" He only answered, "I began to
prepare your family for this time 2 years ago. I drew
you back, Gene back, and Marie was saved. I love and
prepare my children for all things." But why he died,
God did not say.
We knew nothing of
the Gifts of the Holy Spirit, yet they were operating
in our lives then. I had dreams, Marie had a vision,
and Gene had the interpretation.
There were many
times I would reach points of no return knowing that
easing into insanity was next and that was welcome.
I'd just scream "JESUS" until it became a whisper, and
peace and strength would return. There is more power
in that name than any man has yet understood.
It is now four years
later. We have found out much more about the God of
love and power. About 1 years to 2 years after Byron's
death, we were still earnestly seeking God. We had
discovered that God heals and baptizes in the Holy
Spirit. Now we know He loves us, cares for us, and
protects us.
I received a healing
in my back in 1975. Later on in that year God told me
that I need not take any more allergy shots. I had 175
severe allergy problems and had been treated over five
years by doctors. I didn't take any more shots. Now in
1986 I am still healed--Praise The Lord!